Knowing
by merdarkandtwisty
Summary: She was heading towards thirty and still he was on her mind. He wanted too hate her but still it was her face he saw. Now it's time for a wedding they both are anticipating and dreading. Literati and Javajunkie.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Gilmore girls.

Rory sat where she'd sat many times before, on the bed of her childhood and she watched the snowflakes kiss the ground and the frost hug the window panes. And she heard her mother upstairs humming the wedding march and she wondered. If she'd known then what she knew now would she change everything?

She was 29 years old. Her 30th birthday creeping ever faster upon her. And here she was after all these years finally getting ready for her mother's wedding to Luke Danes. She slide off her bed, the bed that at one time had been her baby sister GiGi's and then had been her soon to be step sister's April's before said girl went off to College at Harvard.

Harvard another If I knew now what I knew then question. Did Rory regret giving up Harvard and going to Yale? She sighed as she wrapped her arms around herself and walked to the window. Running her fingers over the frost she made a swirling pattern on the glass. Like she was five again. She tried to fight the chill that threatened to overtake her. She closed her eyes and thought about what her mother's wedding meant after all this time. Sure it meant Luke and Lorelai finally married, finally together but it also meant him. Jess was coming home or coming back and she wasn't sure she was ready to see him again. It had been so long. Seven years. Since that day she'd left him in the bookstore.

"Rory?" Her name floated through the door and she turned to see her mother standing there face flushed from the cold. "What are you doing hun?"

"Oh just thinking." Rory smiled hoping to hide the whirlwind of thoughts going on in her head.

"About what?"

"People, the past, things." Rory shrugged walking towards her mother. "So wedding count down stands at one week how are we feeling?" she tried to defuse the situation inside of herself.

"Good, Great. I think I may actually try on my dress tonight." Lorelai was practically bouncing and though Rory was happy for her mother a part of her wanted to shatter on the floor and cry for what she herself didn't have. She wanted to ask so badly when is he coming when will he be here. But she bit her tongue and held the question at bay.

"So ready for the bachelorette party?"

"ooh yeah can't wait but grandma is not invited this time and I think all phones should be taken away."

"Okay mom." Rory snorted.

"So when do everyone get here?" she tried to word it like she cared about everyone but Lorelai knew her daughter after all of these years.

"Do you mean when does he get here?"

"Yes." Rory sighed in defeat. "When does he get here?"

"Tonight I think he has to come in early to get fitted for his tux. He's staying over the diner." She wrapped her arms around her daughter's shoulders. "Are you going to be okay?"

"I don't have much of a choice do I?" Rory smiled tightly before sighing and sitting down on her bed. "I'll be fine. It's just going to be awkward for a little while since the last time I saw him I'm sure he probably hates me. And I wouldn't blame him."

"Oh sweets I'm sure he doesn't hate you and it's been years only a few short of a decade. He can't hold it against you forever."

"Maybe, maybe not." She shrugged. "But mom what I did it was crappy I tried to ues Jess knowing he loved me to make Logan Jealous and that's not okay."

"No that's not okay but people make mistakes Ror look at me and your father."

"I'd rather not even think about that." Rory snorted.

"Right anyway things happen and that isn't an excuse I'm just saying you and Jess will work it out. But please don't have sex at the wedding."

"Eww mom." Rory crinkled her nose."

"What I'm just saying." Lorelai smirked jumping up off the bed and pulling Rory up. "Now you lets go too Luke's I'm dying for some coffee."

"Didn't he leave a whole pot before he went in?" Rory asked as she shrugged into her coat.

"Yes but of course I've drank all of that."

"Of course you did." Rory smiled pulling her hair out of the collar of her coat. The Gilmore girls walked out in the January morning. The snow sparkling on the ground.

"So how is work?" Lorelai asked as her daughter walked beside her.

"Oh it's great I just got a big article to write It's exciting and living in New York is great of course the apartment Grandma and grandpa bought me after the trail doesn't hurt."

"I'm sure." Lorelai grabbed the door to Luke's and pulled it open holding it open for Rory then walking through herself. "Lukey I need coffee." Lorelai yelled across the diner.

"Hold your horse's woman and sit down you're going to block everyone else." Lorelai bounced over too the counter bending over the counter to kiss Luke before sitting down. Rory sat down next to her. "And what can I get you?" Luke asked looking over at his soon to be step daughter.

"Coffee and bacon please."

"Coming right up." He went to put their orders in and poured them coffee. The girls were enmused in their own conversation they didn't hear the door open or the bell jingle they didn't notice anything until they heard Miss. Patty coo

"Oh Jess so good to see you again just as handsome as ever I see." Rory turned in time too see Miss Patty wink and run out of the diner to spread the word that Stars Hollow bad boy was back in town.

Jess's eyes scanned over the diner his eyes briefly landed on Rory's. he quickly tore his eyes away. She'd been on his mind the whole time from Philadelphia too Stars Hollow. Her smile her eyes. Everything that was her. A part of him loved her still and a part of him was indifferent. Though that part was very small. Because it was still her face he saw when he closed his eyes. This Wedding would be a battle for him he knew that. Between his mother and Lorelai not even adding in the Rory issues he would be surprised if he didn't go crazy over the next week.

A/N so this story is Lit but we'll see pleanty of Javajunkie and Luke and Jess interactions.


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Gilmore girls.

"Luke I'm going to put my stuff upstairs then I promised Liz I would come and see her and Doula. I'm going to try to ignore TJ So wish me luck."

"Good luck with that." Luke smirked at his back as he walked up the stairs. Rory let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding.

"Luke can I get some coffee to go?" Rory asked

"Sure here you go?" Luke poured coffee into a to go cup and passed it to her. He leaned over the counter. "Are you going to be okay?"

"I'll be fine Luke this week isn't about me or Jess this week is about you and mom. She smiled at him taking her coffee and sliding off the stool she waved goodbye to her mother and walked out the door she walked towards Lane's ringing the bell she waited for her best friend to answer.

"Rory was I expecting you?" Lane asked opening the door.

"No." Rory sighed stepping inside and looking around. "Where are the boys?"

"Um School."

"Right, right." Rory shook her head.

"Rory are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine it's just Jess showed up at the diner about five minuets ago so my head is spinning just a little I mean I knew he was coming but man seeing him was like taking a punch to the gut." She shook her head and almost drained her coffee in one gulp.

"Here sit down." Lane guided her friend towards the couch. Rory slumped onto the couch a pout on her face.

"Can I hide in her house for the next week?"

Lane laughed and shook her head. "Sorry this inn is full. But I do have news for you?"

"Oh yeah what is that?"

"I'm going to have another baby the doctors promise it's only one this time though."

"Oh Lane Congrats what does Zach say?"

"Well he's actually acknowledging this one unlike with the twis so I think we're doing better then last time." Lane laughed. The girls talked and Rory felt her nerves start to melt away.

Jess had come down the stairs his eyes scanning over the diner. "She left." Lorelai said draining her coffee and standing up. Jess tried to pretend he had no idea what she was talking about but she just shook her head she leaned over the counter and kissed Luke. She turned back towards Jess. "Don't mess with her Jess." Lorelai gave her warning before walking out of the diner leaving a scowling Jess behind.

"Luke I'm leaving I'll be back later." Jess bit out. He felt like he was seventeen years old again not thrity with his own business and three almost four books to his name. and even one of those books was made into a movie. He made his way out of the diner ignoring Miss Patty and Babette and walking down the streets of Stars Hollow he found himself in front of his mother's house and knocked on the door. The door swung open on an excited 8 year old.

"Jess you're here mommy said you were coming but I didn't believe her." Doula scrunched up her nose. Jess chuckled and shook his head.

"Well I'm here munchkin are you going to let me in?"

"Yes come on mommy got a new movie but she said I can't watch it because I'm too little maybe you can convince her to let me."

"Yeah what movie is that?" Jess asked as he was pulled through the house.

"I don't know but it really made mommy cry and then Daddy scowled and asked why she'd watch something like that."

"Hmm." Jess muttered walking into the living room.

"Jess." Liz threw her arms around her son and held on.

"Liz." Jess said hugging her briefly and then letting her go as Doula was pulling on her shirt.

"Mommy, mommy."

"What is it Doula honey?" Liz asked shifting her focus to her daughter.

"What was that movie that you wouldn't let me watch that made daddy mad and made you cry?"

"Oh um." Liz went white. "It was nothing honey."

"Yes it was." Doula stomped her foot and went over to the tv and pulled the DVD from the shelf here it is. It's called little boy lost see." She shoved it towards her mother and Jess took it from her tiny grasp.

His eyes glued to the cover of the movie he looked up at his mother. He wanted to feel bad that the movie made her cry he wanted to apologize he wanted to run out of that house and never come back but instead he stood there staring between the movie and his mother. A tense silence hung around them. This movie was from his second book a semi autobiography that he had written after the Subsect. Only Little boy lost had went main stream leading him to write another book called Memories call you home and now he was working on a fourth book titled One world all alone. People said his stories were depressing that they needed to be happier but he told them they were real life they were nitty and gritty and he was happy with them. But as he stared at that movie in his mother hand for once he felt just a little bad for being so truthful for telling it like it was. Oh he didn't feel bad for Liz because he knew Liz didn't deserve to be felt bad for but he did feel bad for Doula sweet young Doula who would one day watch the movie read the book and know a mother that was at once hers but not. A mother she'd never seen but who had been the bane of her older brothers existence. Yes if Jess felt bad for anyone in this situation it was his baby sister. He crouched down and looked into her crystal blue eyes so like his mothers.

"Doula this is a grown up movie okay when you're older you can watch but for right now lets put his up okay."

"Fine." Doula pouted taking the movie from her brothers hand and putting it back. Jess looked up at his mother and saw the emotions at war in her eyes and he shook his head. Between her and Rory he wanted to run as far way from this town as he could get and never come back. He was here because of Luke because of everything Luke had done for him. Luke was the connection that kept him here. That kept him sane in this small town.

A/N thanks to everyone that reviewed hope you like this chapter.


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